i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
