well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
