I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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