I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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