twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
