dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
