can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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