his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
