some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize