so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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