hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
