She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
