Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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