Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
