Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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