Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
