Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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