i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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