Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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