"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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