he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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