And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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