gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
