I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
