Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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