batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
