worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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