That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
