sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
