4 words: hood of his car
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
