I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
