Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Let's paint friendship bongs
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
