A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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