I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
