went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
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She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.