Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.