hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There's always time for handjobs
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"