we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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