Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
