need another drink. this is the easiest way
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
