I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
