You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
