I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
