it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
