We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
