i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
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You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
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He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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