I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
