ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
