How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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