I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
