Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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