I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
