It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
