My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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