I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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