look no pants
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
