You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
