he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
