I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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