At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
