it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
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I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize