Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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